How my relationship with my boys has changed since we got divorced

 

 

Every person who goes through a divorce knows how traumatizing it can be. I’m not only referring to the adults involved in the situation, but also to the kids. If there are any, children can be a problem because they’ll inevitably feel hurt and left out, especially when one of the parents ends up moving out of the house or apartment.

Almost the same happened to my ex-wife and me. When it was pretty much clear for us that we had to go our separate ways, we were confronted with the idea of being together only for our two boys. Unfortunately, our disagreements and the fact that we were eager to start our lives separately all over again has prevented us from doing just this. We tried talking things over, but nothing seemed to work out.

In the end, I had to move out and get my own place. While we do share the custody, I only meet the boys every weekend. For a while, it was obvious that they were affected by the circumstance and that it would be hard for me to explain to them that our divorce wasn’t my fault or my wife’s. All of this was particularly difficult, because they hadn’t reached that age where they could understand that people can grow out of love.

When I first moved out and started seeing the boys just on the weekends, they had the feeling that I was the guilty one and that they weren’t supposed to talk to me or love me anymore because I had abandoned them. I had many conversations with my wife about this and she managed to convince them that being separated was the best for the both of us.

It took us almost six months to reconcile, both my wife and I and the boys and I. it was a joint effort. To a certain extent, I think that it was what ended up getting my wife and me closer, which is why we ended up making peace. I found it hard to understand that I wasn’t supposed to break off my connections with the rest of the family and start living all by myself. My in-laws will still be in my life and we’ll try to spend as many celebrations together as possible. I still go to my ex-wife’s house on Thanksgiving and Christmas, because it’s important for our boys to understand that I am an active part of their lives and that I will support them no matter what.

Something that has especially helped my relationship with them was going out, spending time in nature, and bonding through sports. Once I installed a heavy bag in my basement, they started being curious about boxing, in general, and so I bought them some older comics and we began watching fighting movies together. Now they’re both into martial arts and boxing, just like me.

My point is that, to create a meaningful relationship with the people you love, you have to work on it. Develop strategies that can bring you together with your kids and don’t be wary when it comes to establishing cooperative associations with your former partner.

How boxing has helped me deal with my anger issues

 

 

Our body’s natural response to danger comes in the form of stress. That said, stress should not be something regular or a daily occurrence. It should only be an emotion we feel during serious situations or emergencies. Like plenty of Americans I have had to suffer from stress in an unhealthy, regular way. I have always known how chronic stress can lead to depression, inflammation and irregular sleep. This made me strive to take steps to relieve stress in my life. I keep a somewhat demanding job, but thanks to exercise, specifically boxing, I have gotten help at stress relief. The striking I do on a punching bag provides a catharsis to my stress levels.

 

Some psychologists have forwarded that striking a punching bag only creates a connection for people between anger and aggressive behavior. They say it only serves to strengthen the link between being angry and acting aggressively. I beg to disagree in terms of the argument in favor of boxing being based solely on the type of person one is. I wasn’t born angry. I have only experienced a great level of stress and this had made me lose my temper easily before I used boxing as a stress outlet. When I see someone who has stressed me out, I do not imagine myself punching them in the face like what you see in movie dramatizations tackling this kind of situation. I have ;earned to deal with my anger issues in a more constructive way by proving myself to the stressor to be a better person than what they expect me to be. I have succeeded, thanks to boxing.

 

Why hitting a punching bag can be cathartic

 

The punching bag is a non-living thing, an inanimate object. It won’t move till you strike it. The greater beauty of hitting a punching bag to let off steam is it doesn’t hit back. Although it can serve as a symbolic and physical expression of anger or stress when hit, the punching bag is able to elicit a response that relieves the pent-up rage or tension. This is the beauty of having a punching bag in the home. You unload your anger safely and ensure nobody gets hurt, only your hands if you don’t have premium quality boxing gloves. Hitting a heavy bag provides a less destructive way of expressing anger. You won’t go to prison and after the serious hitting, you can begin to think clearly if all the anger was even necessary or not, while catching your breath. Besides, just imagine how much oxygen you can get into your brain with all the deep breathing you have to do after the exercise.

Of course, if you are to firmly eliminate stress, you will have to use mental expressions of your thoughts, such as putting them down on paper or consulting a medical professional. This can provide a good balance of physical and mental unloading of anger or stress, for good. You can also improve your focus and increase your concentration. It still is a fact that heavy bag hitting will not work to permanently handle anger. Should stress or anger be seriously interfering with the quality of your life, you should seek professional help.

 

Other ways you can decrease stress can be found in this great article. I highly recommend meditation.

My favorite martial arts movies

 

 

As I have probably told you before, I like watching loads of fighting movies in my spare time. Despite the fact that I have a full-time job and my schedule is somewhat busy, I must find a bit of spare time to spend with my two boys. Ever since we got divorced, it’s been difficult for me to spend enough time with them, but I always make a big deal out of taking them out to lunch on the weekends, going to the park, or just laying back and watching movies with them.

I’ve been a great fan of martial arts movies ever since I can remember. Most of the motion pictures that I came across and had the chance to see are created by Asians, mainly the Chinese and Japanese, and that’s probably due to the fact that they are the masters of martial arts. I do have an honorable mention, however, and it’s Kill Bill. This movie’s packed with everything you might want from a martial arts flick, in that it’s got heaps of nifty moves as well as an amazing female protagonist.

Another film that seems to be a winner in terms of action, characters, and plot, is Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. This one is different from others I have seen over time because its story does not revolve only around the point of beating the bad guys so that the good guys win in the end.

In my opinion, it’s a fantasy intended for adults. In 2000, when it was released, it was on the Academy Award list for Best Foreign Language Film and has managed to take home the title. It was nominated for many other awards and has won two Golden Globes and four BAFTAs. It’s worth noting that it is one of those few movies that make it in the United States despite being in a foreign language, which in this case, is Mandarin.

Enter the Dragon is one of the essential movies to watch if you’ve ever heard of Bruce Lee. In case you’ve never had the chance to see the great master in action, this flick is by far the perfect one for you. It’s packed with tournaments, interesting fights, and has a plethora of moments that somehow show the effort that the writers have put in the film so that it turns out spectacular, visually appealing, as well as exciting.

I’d like to wrap up my selection with a movie starring Jackie Chan, The Legend of Drunken Master. Although Chan has made a name out of being one of the crucial characters in movies where he’s just a funny guy that manages to beat up the bad boys, he is quite a skilled martial arts practitioner. This motion picture manages to emphasize his talent even though his part is about a man who gains his abilities with regard to fighting only by drinking.